Still Thinkin'

She calls me Wife …

In domestication, Uncategorized, women on January 19, 2011 at 5:11 am

For the last year and some change I have been more or less living with a bunch of guys. Now these guys are nor ordinary guys, they are like my brothers. They have in fact redefined what it means to be a man to me. They are known to me, and a couple of others, as the men of 5519. In any case, while they were unknowingly reshaping my imagine of a man, I was unknowingly becoming domesticated by them.

My first long stay with the men of 5519 was right after I graduated from college, that visit lasted approximately 3 weeks. I graduated with a high gpa, a whole lot of friends, and with about 17 more pounds than I came into college with. By my standards I still looked fine but, while living with them, what I thought of as fine now seemed like it needed some fine-tuning.

Hearing the men that I admired speak about the qualities and traits that they admire in a women eventually lead me to the mirror for a hard look. They spoke of a woman who takes care of her self, as in exercising, a woman who has interest and talents that define her, a woman who has a sense of who she is but can acknowledge that there is still growing to do, a woman who can know how to step out of her emotions and evaluate things rationally (or at least admit that she is caught in her feelings) and of course that wife quality “being domesticated”.

Let me expand on that … No! they are not talking about being barefoot in the house, only cooking and cleaning waiting on them hand and foot. Rather, it’s about being their partner in crime but at the core of it all just being their partner. Being able to provide a womanly comfort that only we, woman, know how to do. Being able to cook him food to start his day on a good note or end it on a better one, naturally being tidy and giving a constant sense of calm in the home etc. These little things that just make a person feel a bit more cared for and at ease.

At first I was very “high and mighty” to say the least, refusing the thought of cooking or cleaning for someone. I was so stuck on the concept that in order to be a “Strong Women” I had to lose my “sex” and just be strong never thinking that I could blend these realms and be something so much more. My men of 5519 made me want to care for them though, and in doing that I realized that I like the feeling of providing in the small ways, I like cooking breakfast, I like making dinner, I enjoy being able to share a clean space and put a womans touch on things.

So now, I sit on my best-friend of 12 years, couch I lean over and ask her “Would you like me to cook something?” and her response is “Sure wife” I guess after 23 years I am finally starting to posses those “Wife like” qualities ….

At the end of the day, I say, at least learn how to cook, clean, wash etc if for no one else than do it for yourself.

A year and a half later ….. DRUM ROLL PLEASE……. I am 17 pounds lighter, an artist by my own right, and happily domesticated ;-).

What do you think about “domestication”? Is it still a 1950’s trend or something that needs to be brought back to life during the independent women era?

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  1. It’s so funny that you said all of the above. As the other half of the ladies of 5519, I came to the same realization a long time ago. Part of the experience with our guys is sitting in on those conversations with them while they are defining what a wife should be, and I think the reason why we are so dear to them is because we didn’t curse them out after the first conversation. While they may come off a little strong with the domestication idea at times (one in particular has said “fix me a sandwich, woman” one too many times), the more time I’ve spent with them the more I want to do for them. I found my self making crab cakes and cleaning rooms while people were sleep when just a few months prior I thought “he’s a grown man he can do it himself”. I saw my whole attitude change. It’s interesting how some people can help you grow in ways you never thought you could.

    What makes it rewarding to be there for them and do these things for them is that they truly appreciate it. They say thank you, they give us high praises, they make it obvious that they appreciate everything we do and love us for not only that but so much more. So when I meet my husband of course I’ll want to do these things for him as well, but because of what I’ve experienced with the guys, I will also expect a certain level of appreciation and respect right along with it. I think that’s where some women get lost in the whole concept. It’s not about a man not contributing and just barking orders. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. You described it perfectly so I’m not going to get into what you’ve already said. Haha.
    But yes, I agree with everything you have said and I definitely think the boys…men of 5519 have helped mold me into a better wife.

  2. I completely agree with them and you on this topic… many women have completely lost the sense of what it is to actually be a REAL woman/ wife which is to be a strong, independent, caregiving, expert on family, work and life. I feel like domestication should be brought back because I have seen so many of my female friends fall deep into the cracks and couldn’t take care of their own home, better yet be able to be a good wife to take good care of a family. Being that I have learned the same things said in this article I am a stronger, more driven, god fearing woman who knows how to take care of her family (especially her man!), I can say that being domesticated as a woman gives you more strength and power than you could ever imagine!

  3. Its funny cause when I read the title I thought shit im already domesticated, but I felt that way in a negative way. Like Cinderella lol. Cause that’s how I feel, always did growing up the bulk of the house work fell on me and now grown back in the house with my parents my cousin and my bro its the same way. But I guess what’s missing for me is the appreciation…I actually have always enjoyed domestic stuff. I take pride in keeping a clean tidy home and, when mortified by the cafe selections at HU, learning how to cook lol… and I think more women would if it was appreciated, and not treated like a duty or obligation simply because you’re a woman and that’s ‘your place’

    • That is a great observation about why being domesticated is sometimes perceived as a negative thing by women. Perhaps while growing up we begin to resent what we look at as chores and obligation so by adulthood we are set against being domesticated. Once we begin to feel apprecaited though this view changes. Do you think this means the family should start to treat their children with more appreciation? Do you think that would change the view on being domesticated when we are older?

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