Still Thinkin'

You Don’t Know Me ….

In life on March 4, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Ever notice how much more serious relationships become as you get older … I have. In high school I barely had relationships that exceeded a month, but by the time I was a senior my relationship was reaching its almost 2 years mark. Now at 23, relationships are no joke to me. I am not saying they are marriage to me but what is the point in being in one if you’re not serious about the other person.

Recently a male friend of mine posed the question, “Are you open to being in a relationship or are you anti-relationship right now?” to which I responded “Anti, for right now”. He continued with “So, if a guy who has been there for a while, and who has spent time you with etc asked you to be with him, you would shut him down”, I followed with “No, in that case I may be open to it, if I felt like the guy really knew me….. But I don’t spend enough time with anyone trying to date me for that to happen”. He responded “Well I’ve known you for a while, and if I continued to know you, or we go somewhere together … I am going to me really pissed if you say I haven’t seen the real you”

I responded with one statement: YOU DON”T KNOW ME ….

Now-a-days a relationship seems to be under some sort of time regulated system. In this case, the guy felt because he has known me for a year that he was logically a candidate or the next best step for ‘us’ was a relationship. What I couldn’t understand is: why would he want a relationship with me? Not trying to discredit myself, I just mean what does he really know about me?

He has never seen me cry….never watched me be angry …never hung out with my friends … never been the shoulder I cried on … doesn’t know what I do in my free time… doesn’t know about my family or our background, he doesn’t know anything essentially beyond what can be provided on an occasional date. The same stands vice-versa. There is no one to blame here, we both just have very different schedules which is cool but while I expected nothing more. Here he is making me feel bad for not wanting something unless there is a solid foundation.

An ex-boyfriend of mine once told me that we couldn’t be friends after we broke up because we were never friends to begin with. He was absolutely correct. I used and continue to try and use that statement as a mold for my future relationships.

I am not running from being involved with someone. I just want to know who exactly I am involved with. It is very easy to create the perceptions that you want people to see. The next relationship that I am in will be with someone that KNOWS me … and I will know him.

Regardless of how long we know each other, our involvement will be determined by where our heart is.

So I ask you … How well do you know your boyfriend/girlfriend?

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  1. For the past few years of my life, I’ve been having trouble with this. Guys who I feel know nothing about me except what I look like, say they want to be with me. I don’t know if they think that’s gonna hook me…but it really scares me away. I totally get this.

  2. If there is anything I learned from my last relationship, it’s that KNOWING someone does not come easy. As people we only share certain things with certain people, specifically the things they want to hear. The problem is that you should not (in my opinion) be in a relationship with someone you do not ‘know’. Especially if you see it going somewhere. I agree with the fact that relationships mean soo much more now that I’m older. The fly by night relationship is a waste of time and energy. Good post

  3. I absolutely agree.The one real relationship that I had (and I kinda still have) was with a person that was just a friend at the beggining…I think thats how it should be…Why rush being in a “relationship”?For me..if that person doesn`t need to get to know me first then its not worth it at all…I have noticed that in America ppl like to have that “talk” when gettin together with someone…and here (Eastern Europe) we kinda let things just happen..Its funny how everything is different in different parts of the World…I like ur work.Good luck!:))

  4. Two snaps for the kid… This was well said and so true…. Well appreciated

  5. The thing about unconditional love “agape love” is that you don’t have to know someone to love them…Reality is all about perception therefore if someone perceives that they know you eventhough they don’t know the physical details that you would like them to know in their world they still know you…We as soul creatures have forgotten that we are not the body yet we are the soul…biblically speaking getting to know someone was done through sexual relations because it allowed the seperate souls to cojoin as one…until you know the soul you will never know the person and just because you know the soul doesn’t mean you know the person…if that makes any sense to you…

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