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Archive for the ‘women’ Category

One Life To Live …

In life, women, Work on August 14, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Experience life. I don’t know when this actually becomes a fear. Almost like a pandemic.

I guess, if you really think about it, we are programmed since young to always color within the lines and, even, at times given a color chart to make sure that the picture comes out just as expected. We live. We grow. We learn. We work. We … exist. But, when does that pivotal moment occur?, that moment that causes you to want to risk everything. To journey out and start experiencing life, experiencing you?

I have been fortunate enough to travel quite a bit. Anytime some one hears this, their immediate assumption is that I am rich. To any of my close friends, this is quite an entertaining joke. Known for my lack there-of in crazy pursuit of happiness, I am no “baller”. I am simply scared of the future. Scared of looking back one day and realizing that I never attempted to do whatever truly makes me happy. Maybe that’s what drew me to Evita “Evie” Robinson.

When I initially watched Evie’s videos on her blog site which focuses on her life and adventures around the world, I was not drawn in because of the places that she was showcasing but rather what she trying to represent: People that look like me/her traveling and experiencing the world. It is not impossible.

She was a genuine, unique and most importantly bold. During a conversation with her I asked what makes you so courageous to travel rugged lands alone and even more-so as a young female. Her immediate response was “Being courageous doesn’t mean you don’t have fear.” What a beautiful thought, she continued with what she refers to as ‘Analysis Paralysis’. In other words, we as humans, in general, have a tendency to over think situations and destroy opportunities with our own rational and worries, creating the ‘paralysis’ that stagnates us from living.

“When you just start going out and doing …. Life will literally create a path to make that happen,” says Evie. Some may think her approach is too haphazard but once you have taken a closer look you will find that her focus is just different. Her priorities do not lay with new fashion, life’s luxuries, or fine dining. Keeping a humble living she saves to afford these trips that culture and enrich her as a person.

I have spoken to many of my friends about their fear of traveling and in general their responses went something like this: I don’t speak any other language, I don’t have the money for that, I don’t have time for that, or my personal favorite “after watching hostel I am scared of staying in those”.

People you don’t need to speak another language to travel most places; most of communication is non-verbal so in that sentiment alone one should feel more at ease. Based on her own travels Evita has her own way of dealing with culture barriers “They don’t speak your language and they don’t look like you, you literally become reduced to symbols. I learn to say thank you, I’m sorry, hello, good bye … that and a smile will take you a long way”. In my own international experiences, paradoxically, I have found that people are often eager to practice whatever bit of English they may happen to know. So I implore folks do not to let language become a validation for not traveling. As far as time and money are concerned those are broken down by desire and priority. You make money and time for what you deem is important. No excuses.

Lets break it down like this … you spend about 6-8 hours sleeping per day. You spend an additional 4 – 6 hours doing things like watching tv, showering, and wasting time on the internet. You are now left with 12 hours per day to experience life. I believe that Evita said it best in her closing as her college graduation commencement speaker: “Excuse me but your life is waiting” …… So I ask you now, What are you going to do with it?


The Brink of Crazy

In women on February 28, 2011 at 10:04 pm

“You are so right that you are willing to do wrong” … We have all heard about suicide bombers in the name of religion and other random acts of violence as some sort of show of passion, devotion, or love. The sad part is that these are all misguided responses or validations for malicious acts. People are so firm in their beliefs, that they welcome the thought of doing wrong. This is theie form of justice. On a more minute platform, I have seen the same sort of twisted love in women scorned. The severity however is on a case by case basis.

After spending the last couple of months with a variety of different women ranging from industry professionals to current undergrad students and listening a whole lot, I have developed a conclusion: All women touch the brink of crazy!

Let me expand on that thought … First we will start with the breaking down the Levels of Crazy.

Level One- “I hate you so much right now”

In other words, there are no actions here only crazy thoughts. Its the wishing harm, pain or other random acts of violence to occur. I will admit, I have grace the level with my presence several times. I think this level occurs in females who don’t want to let all the evil things they’d like to say come to surface. So rather than being that “rah, rah” chick who makes a scene (as really a act for reciprocation) she thinks deranged shit like “I hope your hair falls out” or something I once wrote “I hope you get really drunk at a party on night and have some type of homosexual experience that got secretly recorded and put on the internet for all to see”. Drastic! Yes I know, but my heart was utterly broken and as a semi writer/poet I felt that best described how I was feeling at the time.

I don’t leave this level because I don’t actually harm to occur. Lets be serious, if I wished for a guy to be hit by a car and then he did …I would feel horrible. I won’t lie though, during those angered times those evil thoughts do serve for a good chuckle and laughing is good for everyone. Sooo I will say that this stage is healthy.

Level Two: The Bugga Boo

This type of woman has a mission and a message in mind! Whether she has to call, text, or even call the girl she assumes you’ve been talking to, she will. Let’s not forget the possible facebook blast or twitter topics displaying her rage (hurt). While I have not graced this level I do know many women who have. This female is not concerned with perceptions and how she will feel in retrospect to this situation. Do I think I will ever get to this point? I highly doubt it. Ironically enough I have had a male do this to me!!! Calling me more that 16 times and sending roughly 20 text messages in a 12 hour period with NO RESPONSE from me. It was quite scary, but, more than that it was a total turnoff. Any possibility that we could have made it through that argument died that day … So ladies …ease up on the text, tweets, statuses, calls etc …. Remember Silence is Golden

The next two levels are debatable …. The choice of order is based on the amount of ration taken behind the action as well as intention. So here we go ….

Level Three: Hit Him Where It Hurts
*Cues soundtrack to Jazmine Sullivan – Bust Your Windows

I am pretty sure that you can guess what this level is about: Physical Damage. The ladies of this level are all about tangible damage in hopes of getting the emotional response that they crave. I have personally always been puzzled by women who easily pick up keys or bags of sugar and are ready to destroy cars etc. This is because my mind in not caught in the now, it is trapped thinking about what if he forgets that I am a woman and attempts to beat my ass! Doesn’t anyone think ‘what the hell is he gonna do when he sees this?’

I recently spoke with a friend who says she lives in this level. When asked why she does the things that she does, her response was “I don’t think about it”. She described the sensation as satisfying, after destroying something, as though endorphins were released every-time she broke something. This is a twisted form of instant gratification if I’ve ever seen one.

She jokingly laughed as she spoke about her ex who was near tears after having a vase smashed into his new flat screen television. Gentlemen, I ask what would you do here? or better yet ladies how would you feel if this was done to you?

In addition, to just the worries of a physical retaliation, lets face it… We are ADULTS now. We do things like press charges and sue. Personally, the thought of handcuffs is not my daydream of choice but hey to each his own.

LEVEL FOUR – “I’m a Mother F*ckin’ Moster”
The ladies of the level are totally and verifiably scary. These women are calculated and spend time devising up insane plans to emotionally and mentally harass you until they are satisfied. During a women’s round table discussion these are some of the stories that I have heard:

Move it an Inch: One female recounted to me all the details of how she went to her boyfriends house and moved everything slightly just to throw him for a loop. She explained that “We are to old to actually cause damage to other peoples property … you can go to jail for that … So instead you just have to do shit that they cant get you for”. Imagine walking in your house and finding everything moved around.

Chuck It: Another female told me about her experience with destroying her boyfriends television. She explained that she didn’t want the damage to be seen easily so instead of just smashing it she chucked marbles at it. Apparently when you chuck small marbles at a flat screen the colors begin to distort in the television and the image can no longer be seen. How she figured this out??? I will never know …

Reflections: This one is really scary *that was my warning

In this case, the female of my story took knives and strategically lined them against all the walls of the house. She did not stab or cut anything, as not to cause damage, instead she just leaned all the knives down the hallway. To her boyfriends wonderful surprise she placed a hug butcher knife right on his dresser in front of his mirror.
I asked her why she did all of that, she explained that she caught him cheating on her, and that while she had no intention of causing him harm, she wanted to scare the shit out of him. ( I did laugh when she said that, but you must admit…that is quite scary)

Bleach It (Funny enough this is actually my favorite out of all of the stories that I have heard)
In this case, the female took all of her boyfriends clothes, lined them around the house and then poured water all over them. Wondering what happens next??? …. Well, then she took a bottle of bleach and poured in down the kitchen and bathroom sinks to have the fragrance of bleach in the air. Her boyfriend comes home, panics thinking all of his clothes have been bleached at yet once again the girl has caused no physical damage.

Like I said, the last two levels are very debatable but none the less the point of this post was to highlight one point: ALL women touch the BRINK OF CRAZY. The severity of that depends on the woman and her situation. But, fellas don’t think ya’ll are getting away here with no blame. Responsibility falls on you bad men too and many of you are just flat out crazy.

I always say that love is not something to play with, a persons heart can easily outweigh a persons brains. Look at how many millionaires, doctors, lawyers, royalty etc have either been killed or have killed in the name of love or heart break.

So …. All of that being said, I say this … Be careful! I am a strong believer in Karma and trust me bad karma is not the type of thing that you want. It is much easier to let go, forgive, learn and move on. I did not say that it would be easy but just that it is easier. In the end, ladies I guarantee that you will feel happier and more than likely that guy will find something attractive in the way you were able to go on with your life without stopping it to wreck his.

Have any crazy stories that you want to share??? Post them here 🙂

She calls me Wife …

In domestication, Uncategorized, women on January 19, 2011 at 5:11 am

For the last year and some change I have been more or less living with a bunch of guys. Now these guys are nor ordinary guys, they are like my brothers. They have in fact redefined what it means to be a man to me. They are known to me, and a couple of others, as the men of 5519. In any case, while they were unknowingly reshaping my imagine of a man, I was unknowingly becoming domesticated by them.

My first long stay with the men of 5519 was right after I graduated from college, that visit lasted approximately 3 weeks. I graduated with a high gpa, a whole lot of friends, and with about 17 more pounds than I came into college with. By my standards I still looked fine but, while living with them, what I thought of as fine now seemed like it needed some fine-tuning.

Hearing the men that I admired speak about the qualities and traits that they admire in a women eventually lead me to the mirror for a hard look. They spoke of a woman who takes care of her self, as in exercising, a woman who has interest and talents that define her, a woman who has a sense of who she is but can acknowledge that there is still growing to do, a woman who can know how to step out of her emotions and evaluate things rationally (or at least admit that she is caught in her feelings) and of course that wife quality “being domesticated”.

Let me expand on that … No! they are not talking about being barefoot in the house, only cooking and cleaning waiting on them hand and foot. Rather, it’s about being their partner in crime but at the core of it all just being their partner. Being able to provide a womanly comfort that only we, woman, know how to do. Being able to cook him food to start his day on a good note or end it on a better one, naturally being tidy and giving a constant sense of calm in the home etc. These little things that just make a person feel a bit more cared for and at ease.

At first I was very “high and mighty” to say the least, refusing the thought of cooking or cleaning for someone. I was so stuck on the concept that in order to be a “Strong Women” I had to lose my “sex” and just be strong never thinking that I could blend these realms and be something so much more. My men of 5519 made me want to care for them though, and in doing that I realized that I like the feeling of providing in the small ways, I like cooking breakfast, I like making dinner, I enjoy being able to share a clean space and put a womans touch on things.

So now, I sit on my best-friend of 12 years, couch I lean over and ask her “Would you like me to cook something?” and her response is “Sure wife” I guess after 23 years I am finally starting to posses those “Wife like” qualities ….

At the end of the day, I say, at least learn how to cook, clean, wash etc if for no one else than do it for yourself.

A year and a half later ….. DRUM ROLL PLEASE……. I am 17 pounds lighter, an artist by my own right, and happily domesticated ;-).

What do you think about “domestication”? Is it still a 1950’s trend or something that needs to be brought back to life during the independent women era?